My world

     I haven't blogged in a while, but as 2011 closes tonight and 2012 rings in I can't help but reflect. This year has been so rough and upsetting that I look forward to it ending. I look forward to a "fresh start". I've noticed how people react when they find out that I have three kids and I've been divorced for 9 years. They seem to pity me. I've dated my fair share and know that eventually some man will enter my life and treat me the way I deserve. Maybe the pearls that I got for Christmas will solidify a good man in 2012. Maybe, the prayers I make daily will be heard. But while there has been bad this year, there has been a lot of good. I get to share my home and my life with a brilliant, loving, funny, beautiful little one year old. She is what motivates me to believe I'm worth so much more than I've settled for in the past. One day I will begin hounding her about how much she is worth, and even if that means that I one day tell her the story of what her father did to me, just so she knows that she is worth more than what I've gotten in the past, I will inform her her. I've started cooking. I've started standing up for myself and I've started to forgive past transgressors. I've healed a lot in so many ways, but still have some healing to do before Mr. Right has room for me in my life, in our lives.
      So in wrapping up Happy New Year! My resolution for 2012 is to blog more and share my excitement of my daughter's life with more people.

My journalistic approach to being a single mom for the last nine years...

After countless nights of watching 16& Pregnant and Teen Mom, I've found, sadly, that in my thirties I have so much in common with these girls. So in an effort to separate myself from feeling that I too have no future or to show that at any age being a single mom is the scariest part of life. The ugly truth these days is that the economy isn't quite where it was 10 years ago and not having another income to help with family matters means that living paycheck to paycheck seems to be the norm. But the deeper issue lies within the never ending struggle to balance child, work, and relationships. Every single mother dreams that the relationship with their child's father will work out and wedding bells or at the least a shared home will be in the future, but I can tell you that this is a dream and normally doesn't happen. Most of these children were created out of wedlock and the growing trend is that they were created in what was supposed to be a "one night stand". So, learning to be friends at the very least with the dad is of utmost importance. Learning to depend on every blood relative in a 20 mile radius is even more important. These relationships will take some of the stress away, but add some too. Recently, my youngest child's father and I split, and I spent 36 hours in tears. I was angry and hurt....but realized that this isn't an ending at all, but yet another beginning. I'm certainly not ready for yet another "going no where" relationship, but this is an opportunity to share my experience, strength, and hope with other moms that aren't ready to voice their struggles. This too is to show those that are married and happy, that just because I don't have a partner doesn't mean that I'm not happy. My life is, for the most part, very exciting! So wish me luck on my journey of voicing this next chapter in my life in a confident and positive way!!!